alot of stuff has been going on in my life over the past month or so. the animal care league compilation i have been organizing is almost done. ive got alot of great tracks and awesome art. its going to raise 500 dollars for the local animal shelter. i played my first show on the sunday after xmas and it went pretty awesome. i think i had the best reaction of out of the audience. i could have moved around alot more, but i was nervous and the music was way too low. my next tooth_eye album is about to come out on sickmode.org, the first in my wave rape series. its a series of three volumes, all of it was constructed in the free source audio program audacity. pirated alot of peoples music to make it come together. i also released my next praytor album on the awesome label severed digit. i have vol 2 of wave rape coming out on limited tape release on trashfucknet and wave rape vol 3 is being released as a limited cdr on pha-q phonographs, a great new netlabel out of texas. im also working on booking more shows and getting a straight breakcore album ready for release on sociopath recordings, one of the best breakcore netlabels out there.
on a personal note, my girl friend of almost 4 years broke up with me a few days ago. this has been really hard for me, and its been difficult to keep working on whats important to me, namely my music. i have done alot of drawing in this time, because it helps me focus on whats right in front of me. that and cleaning. the hardest part has been that i did not want it to end. i still wanted to spend our lives together, still wanted to get married, still wanted to move away and have children. we were engaged. unfortunately she does not feel the same way anymore. no matter how much i want that to be different i cant change someone elses mind. and despite the betrayals that have occurred over the past couple weeks and by her and a "friend" i still love her unconditionally and want to be with her. i dont know what this is supposed to mean, but in my heart i know i have never felt something that seemed so true and right. it may be delusional and pitiable of me, but i still hold hope for the future that we may continue our lives together and do everything i thought we had planned on. im sorry for going on like this, but i have been in dire need of places to express myself and say how i feel. right now i am broken hearted. i cant eat. i cant sleep. i cant live happily. i cant be with another because of my feelings for her, and i cant lay with another because i have no desire to. i am in a hole right now that i see no exit for. i just hope as i persevere that i do find an exit. if that exit may contain her smiling face welcoming me again, that would be a divine dream come true. unfortunately life is not always so kind. most likely i will find myself a little stronger but alone, afraid to make my way back out in the emotional firestorm we call "relationships" and "love". hopefully i can eventually find some cohesive artistic inspiration from this experience. but at this moment, after regaining my emotions from their heroin cage of 5 years, i can only hurt and sulk and wish for things that may never be again. it hurts. words do not describe. i hope i can develop faith and trust in the healing properties of time. if anyone takes the time to read this i thank you. and if you have any words of wisdom, besides things will get better or i dont need her, it would be much appreicated. thank you
chris will aka tooth_eye aka praytor
ps
i have a tape label in the works that will be called "corpse edit tapes" keep an eye out!